January 2013 - further up and further in

Sunday, January 20, 2013

the world is too big to never ask why

Sunday, January 20, 2013 3
the world is too big to never ask why
the world is too big to never ask why.

honesty is hard to find in the Christian world as we know it. i’ve noticed this even more lately. oftentimes we rely on appearances only, not daring to dig beneath the surface of things.

why do we do this?

is it because we’re scared? that’s a fair reason, of course, but i don’t think we should let it define us or hold us back from the hard questions. and too often, we do.

is it because we don’t care? sometimes, but not all the time. i think we’re just all so busy, wrapped up in our own lives, tangled in our own emotions. {i know this feeling. i don’t condemn you since i'm there too.}

but honestly i think it’s the first reason: we’re scared. we’re scared to go deep because we don’t know what we’ll find.

in his most shallow and basic form, God is safe. he is familiar to us, he is not scary. he is safe. but i think we’re scared that, if we delve deeper, God won’t be safe. it’s the unknown, and it scares us. {trust me, i’ve been there, too. i am there right now.}

but i think i finally understand what c.s. lewis meant.

“who said anything about safe? ’course he isn’t safe. but he’s good.”

i know it’s scary, dear one. i know you’re scared of what you’ll find. so am i. but let’s go deep together, okay? let’s ask the hard questions, let’s try to understand, let’s admit that there is pain and suffering. let’s try to understand the world and God in a way we never have before. i think that, once we take this jump into the unknown, we’ll realize that our Jesus is much safer than we think.

let’s ask why. why do we believe what we do? why is there pain? let’s confront God with the hard questions; i’ve learned that he’s not afraid of them. i think he welcomes it. the deep questions strengthen our roots, and deep roots are not touched by the frost, as tolkien said.

there’s this quote i read somewhere that says, “there is a certain darkness needed to see the stars.” so in the midst of our quest for why, let’s ask God to show us the stars, too. he made them for us, you know. there are still stars, even in the midst of darkness. life is hard, but i still believe that at the core, life is still good, and more beautiful than you can ever imagine.

in the past year, this has become all the more clear to me: we have to ask why. we have to challenge our beliefs and confront God sometimes, because we can’t get just by living on the surface. it’s not possible.

instead, ask why. because the world’s too big and cruel and deep and beautiful to let such a question go unanswered.

the world is too big to never ask why // the answers don't fall straight out of the sky
i'm fighting to live and feel alive // but i can't feel a thing without you by my side
oh, send me out a lifeline.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

forget about logic

Wednesday, January 09, 2013 8
forget about logic
forget about logic.

when it comes to writing, don't analyze. don't try to write realistically, because fiction isn't reality. that's why it exists. writing was meant to be an escape, a book full of dreams in the form of black ink and paper. it was meant to be full of things that are almost impossible but not quite. because why else do we dream?

logic inhibits dreams. so why use logic in writing?

yes, there is a time for logic. but that time is the second draft.

until then, go crazy. write your heart out.

one of the things that i did while writing because i'm irish was this: i didn't research. even though i had no clue about ireland and guns, i winged it. if i didn't know something, i skipped it or i just wrote in my best guess. and to this day, i think that was crucial to its success and completion. i rarely finish books, and if i do it take ages. but with because i'm irish, i finished it in less than a year.

was it easy? no.
but it wasn't like slogging through acorn butter.
it was an escape.

i wrote because i'm irish for fun. i was going through a rough time last year in december and around that time i started my infamous novel about getting kidnapped by a boyband. i didn't intend to have a novel, really. i didn't intend it to be anything, really. but it was after that things started looking up. why? because i had something to focus on, something to fangirl over.

and when you're going through this hard thing called life, that means the world.

and someday, when your pages of ink-filled dreams are published, your books will be fangirled over. they will mean the world to someone else too, almost as much as they mean to you.

so don't think about it. don't analyze. just write it out. we were meant to write about the impossible, right?

so write.

dream as far as your mind can dream. write as far and as big and as wide as your mind can write. fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. your dreams. your impossibles. write everything you want your life to be.

please, forget about logic and write.

the world will thank you later.

with the rise of pinterest and tumblr, it's been hard to find the sources to images on the web. unfortunately, i could not find a source for the first picture. if it's yours, please let me know.
however, the second picture actually is an inkwell, which i thought was epic. you can buy it here.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

i was brave.

Sunday, January 06, 2013 6
i was brave.
as you know, some people pick words for their year as the year begins. i'm the kind of girl who gets her word for the year after the year's over, rather than at the beginning. surprisingly, i'm okay with this.

as 2012 drew to a close last week, i wondered how to reflect upon the year that had just happened. it was one of the hardest years i've ever experienced. i was tempted to dwell on the bad things, but so many positive things came to my mind as well.

so, i'm not going to deny that 2012 was hellish at times, but it wasn't a total waste. it was very lovely in several different ways.

and overall, i've decided that my word for last year is brave.

>> in 2012, i...

rode an ATV for the first time
got my first dog
turned sixteen
got braces after a long wait.
received my stuffed Flynn for my birthday.
started the car for the first time. MUAHAHA POWER.
 (still working on the driving part)
grew so much in my writing and realized that i do have a gift.
created Rane Silverthorne and the novel he's in
formed the tea-spitters, who have 
quickly become some of my closest friends.
became addicted to pinterest
watched doctor who and fell even more in love with the stars
realized (again) that i'm a dreamer.
met Celtic Thunder after being a fan for three years.
(blog post to come)
fell in love with a group of Irish boys
(and introduced my friend Tess to them as well)
fell in love with The Avengers
had several mysterious health issues flare up
(that's why i describe part of this year as "hellish.")
did a few vlogs
was so supported and so very blessed.
thank you: Wren, Jo, and Keaghan,
and everyone else who has been there for me
and has done their best to understand my pain.
thank you to those who sent me packages
to brighten up my day.
i met Micah, who told me i was brave.
had many late night conversations with Annah
wrote an alternate universe with 
Caroline and Mary about our characters,
and had several of my characters fangirled over.
(there is nothing like having someone
fangirl about your novels. trust me.)
discovered quotes that made my heart sing.
fell in love with tony stark.
had a visit from my Pip.
saw Brave with Pip.
discovered the joy of having hair 
long enough to put in a ponytail.
fell in love with sweatpants
pulled my first all-nighter due to my health
(it's not what everyone says it is, trust me)
met so many new friends, 
and grew closer to others.
Ashley, and Lia, just to name a few.
dreamed about taking a road trip. someday.

i struggled. had doubts.
went through a long period of time of feeling distanced from God.
now, as 2013 dawns, i feel like i'm getting emotional & spiritual healing
and that i'm back where i belong.

and most of all, i got through it.
i got through 2012.
i was brave.