my paper heart
So here's what's going on with me.
I've hit my very rock bottom. And it's kind of a good place to be.
Because sometimes, when you hit rock bottom, that's when you can come back up again. That's when you can heal.
I've sustained a lot of grief, wounds, and trauma in my lifetime. I've lost a lot of friends. I've felt abandoned and rejected more than once. When I was nine, two family friends lost their children in the same year. I also lost a friend in a very sudden and traumatic way this year, and it's all come to a breaking point.
And I'm realizing that I never fully dealt with that. All of it.
So here I am, at the age of sixteen, having all this pain and grief resurface. It's a pretty horrible place to be. I'm glad that I can start to heal now, but that doesn't mean it isn't pretty hellish in the meantime.
See, the way I am is that I don't want to hurt people. Trust me, that's the last thing I want. So somewhere along the line I decided that it would be better to hurt myself by keeping everything inside of me than by hurting other people by letting it out.
My heart is a house that's full of a bunch of trash.
And it's time to clean it out.
So this is my journey of hope, of life, of love. Of pain and tears and suffering.
And hopefully, of healing.
This is me. Broken paper heart and all.
I hope you can be gentle with me during this time. Treat me gently. Trust me, it will mean the world.
Because after all, dreams and people break so easily. So do hearts.
Please be careful with mine.
Cause I believe you'd unfold your paper heart and wear it on your sleeve
I wish I had covered all my tracks completely cause I'm so afraid
Is that the light at the far end of the tunnel or just the train?
Lift your arms only heaven knows, where the danger grows
And it's safe to say there's a bright light up ahead and help is on the way
I forget the last time I felt brave, I just recall insecurity
Cause it came down like a tidal wave, and sorrow swept over me
Then I was given grace and love, I was blind but now I can see
Cause I found a new hope from above, and courage swept over me
It hurts just to wake up, whenever you're wearing thin
Alone on the outside, so tired of looking in
The end is uncertain and I've never been so afraid
But I don't need a telescope to see that there's hope
And that makes me feel brave.