2010 - further up and further in

Sunday, December 19, 2010

I Dare You to Move

Sunday, December 19, 2010 7
I Dare You to Move
This song makes me want to fly.

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next
What happens next

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before 

Monday, December 13, 2010

Lame Confessions of a Music Junkie

Monday, December 13, 2010 7
Lame Confessions of a Music Junkie
Current song in my head: When violet eyes get brighter, and heavy wings grow lighter, I'll taste the sky and feel alive again....
{I just love Owl City. :)}

Okay, this is going to sound tacky, but I've been listening to the same three songs over and over again every day for the past week.

Wanna know what they are?

I feel bad saying this, but this is one of my favorite songs and I don't even know why since I never even saw the movie Space Jam (reportedly, it stunk). This song is annoying and it gets stuck in your head. But maybe that's why I love it. 

On a side note, it is also the only song to inspire me to play my bass guitar (due to the stinking awesome bass line throughout the whole song... just in case you were wondering, I have listened to this song a LOT.) By the way, here is my bass. I think I forgot to post about getting him a couple months back. His name is Ben. (see right.)

Ben is awesome. But I'll save that for a later post.

Moving on to song #2...

This song is awesome. Hands down, end of story. I was first introduced to it when my local Christian radio station started playing it. That was a couple years ago, so this song has been ingrained in my mind for a while. While the band Lifehouse isn't under a Christian label, the people who are in the band are Christians and put their faith in a lot of songs. Which I think is awesome.

To me, I take this song a lot of times as a love letter from God to me. Yes, I know it wasn't written as that kind of a song, it's really about a girl, ladeda. But the point of music is to let it speak to your soul. That's all I'm letting it do. And God loves me as much more than any guy ever will, so really, it's the ultimate love song.

I can also play it on my acoustic guitar whose name is to be announced. I really should write about my instruments some day.

Last but not least on our line up...

This song has a story scarily similar to number 2. I also heard it on my Christian radio station a while back (think: when I was 10). At that time, I had no idea who it was by. Now I've come to learn it's by Switchfoot. Switchfoot has come to be one of my favorite bands. They are also like Lifehouse in that while they aren't under a Christian label, they are singing for God and that's all that matters.

This song is a good reminder to take a step back and really look at your life. The main point of your song (in case you didn't catch it by the title) is that everything will soon be gone and there's so much more to life than what your eyes can see. It's a reminder that I need... often. Not to mention this song has awesome vocals, awesome guitars, awesome drums, awesome lyrics... okay, I'm done now.

BUT WAIT! There is actually a 4th song. I don't listen to this one nearly as much, but it speaks to my soul every time. The real version is here, but the string arrangement stirs emotions deep within me that I didn't even know existed. Go ahead, give it a listen. But you might cry. Don't say I didn't warn you. 

Speaking of crying at music, there are a lot of songs I've cried at lately... but that's a whole other blog post. ;)

Signing off for now,
-Your Resident Music Junkie

Friday, December 3, 2010

The Customary NaNo Procrastinator's December 3rd Post

Friday, December 03, 2010 3
The Customary NaNo Procrastinator's December 3rd Post


So, where did I last leave you last? Ah, NaNo. Yes, the marvelous thing that has sadly killed my blog for the month of November.

What happened was... I was NOT shooting for 50,000, but yet I still got there. Yes, you read that right. I made it to 50,000I'm still wondering how it happened!

Circumstances prevented me from even trying to get 50k... at first. My good friend Ashley was coming to stay for a week, and I knew I wouldn't be writing at all while she was here. So rather than get stressed when I was way behind after she left, I decided to just write as much as I possibly could when she wasn't here and see where that got me.

I started off with a bang, making the required NaNo wordcount of 1,667 words per day, even though I wasn't trying. I made about 5,000 words that week, keeping right on target for the word count goal. Then Ashley arrived. That was one of the funnest weeks of my life (post about that coming soon), but even so, I did not get any writing done, just as I had thought would happen. The week after she left was filled with just trying to catch up on daily life. I don't think I even started writing until halfway through the week. At this point, it's pretty much all a blur, so I don't remember how many words I got that week. I was just trying to survive. :P

On November 23rd, somehow I got to 23k. Then Thanksgiving struck. That morning I gave up on trying to write anything, especially since I had a bad headache.

I had posted on the NarniaWeb NaNo thread earlier in the week, saying that I didn't think I was going to make it, but maybe I would next year. A fellow NWebber, Orious, gave me a much-needed pep-talk. (Orious, if you ever see this, hope you don't mind that I quoted you. ;)

MountainFireflower (me) wrote:
Maybe next year I'll make it to 50k.

Orious wrote:
NO! NO! This year! You can totally still win! It's been done! I knew a girl who wrote 50k in five days and you only have to write half of that in five days! Write, write, write! You can hit that 50,000, don't give up! Don't give up! Pretty please?  

...In the unheard of, undesired, and unwanted event that you do go down. Go down screaming bloody murder. Don't give up without a hugely monsterous fight.

I began to think that maybe, just maybe, it was possible. After all, if someone wrote 50k in 5 days, what was half that in 5 days? Soon I began to get crazy notions. I decided to try as hard as I could, and give NaNo the fight it deserved. Even if I didn't make 50k, at least I would have tried. I opened Write or Die. In spite of my heavy headache, I wrote, and ended up writing 1,000 words in 15 minutes. But I still didn't know how I'd possibly get to 50k, especially since my plot was dragging along. Enter Grant Stokely.

He crashed into my story, literally, and within paragraphs had turned my story in a completely different direction that I expected, but one that I wholeheartedly loved. He took the reigns of my story in his completely capable hands and showed me that I had just needed a change of pace. Soon my plot, my characters, and my theme took on new life, and I decided that this book was worth it after all. I was fighting. Hard.

Thanksgiving Day I had 25k. By the end of the day I had 32k. I still have no idea how I did it. All thanks and credit goes to God. He's the one who had his hand on my book, and gave me renewed vigor. Without him, I never would have finished.

The rest of those 4 days start to blend together. I think I got to 42k on November 26th. November 27th I only wrote 3,000 words due to my schedule and being completely brain fried, but I didn't feel bad about it since the race against time was getting less intense. November 28th was the day I finally reached the 50,000 word mark. I had resolved that I would finish it that day rather than finish it the next day which was going to be very busy. I wrote and wrote and wrote, and by the end of the day I had a purple winner's bar.

Getting the purple bar took a little doing though. For some reason, the NaNo word count validator took away a thousand words or so. Due to that little detail, I stayed up even later than I wanted to, trying to get those last thousand words done. I also discovered that Google Docs has a 'select all' button, and I don't have to highlight all the text myself. Boy, was THAT a lifesaver!

So, long story short (funny, this story is already longer than I thought it would be), I won NaNo. It was the last thing I expected to do, especially this year, but it showed me that God has different plans than my own sometimes. And that sometimes, what we think is impossible isn't so impossible.

NaNo is a small thing in the grand scheme of things, but it's taught me some great lessons about writing, about life, and about the God who strengthens me to do all things.

I totally can't wait for next year! :)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Saturday, November 20, 2010

I love fonts...

Saturday, November 20, 2010 0
I love fonts...
My document is a formatter's nightmare, like I said in my previous post. This is what my document now looks like. 
So far the fonts I've used are Cambria, Arial Black, and Comic Sans MS.
For some reason, I get bored with things easily.
And I have to take drastic measures to keep myself inspired.
Fonts are just the beginning. *grin*

Thursday, November 18, 2010


Thursday, November 18, 2010 1
I have a confession.

I'm in the midst of NaNoWriMo.

I hadn't told anyone because I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up and then back out. But since it's Week 3, I think there's little chance of doing that.

My story is going ... well, it's going. I hated it for a while. Then, after the introduction of a giant fridge, homicidal strangers, and a random knitting class of a bunch of old ladies, things are picking up.

My word count isn't as high as some people (*cough* Georgie Penn *cough*), but it's okay. I didn't expect to reach the ultimate goal anyway. For now I'm just writing as much as I possibly can, when I can. And that's all I can do.

My document has become a formatter's nightmare. I decided to throw perfection to the wind and go with whatever font inspires at me at the time. So far, my document looks like this:
Tonight I utilized the WriMo's best friend - Write or Die. I forgot to change the grace period to "forgiving" and instead left it at "strict", so it scared the daylights about me when I was suddenly greeted with the annoying strains of "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" after not writing for a minute. Later, I was graced by the presence of an off-key rendition of Fur Elise. Not to mention the bright red flashing screen that burned my eyeballs. (Those of you who have used Write or Die know what I mean.) It was annoying in the most extreme sense.

Well, at least it got me to write.

Monday, October 11, 2010

The Broadway Syndrome

Monday, October 11, 2010 5
The Broadway Syndrome
I really like this song, and the video, but it brings up something that slightly amuses me. If you watch the video, you'll see that TobyMac is walking down a street randomly singing, and nobody seems to care. I love it how that happens. I guess you could call it the Broadway Syndrome.

I know it's staged, but it kind of drives me crazy how many people walk right past Toby and don't even see him. If I was on that music video, I would definitely NOT be standing nonchalantly on the street. I'd be jumping around saying, "Oh my goodness, it's TobyMac!!!"

...But maybe that's just me.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Writing Tips?

Friday, October 08, 2010 4
Writing Tips?
I've been thinking about writing lately, which, for me, is kind of like thinking about breathing. :) One of the best things I've done is make myself JUST WRITE. It doesn't matter if my spelling and grammar stink or even if the writing makes sense. I can fix that later. It's all about getting the ideas out of my head and onto my paper.

I decided last night that while thinking about what you're going to write is good, if I don't stop thinking and actually WRITE it, it won't get written at all. Deciding to open a document and let my fingers on the keyboard and imagination go wild is one of the best things that I have done in my writing journey.

What about you? What are some things you've found helpful in your writing? What is one important piece of advice that you would want to pass on to other writers?

You know mine: JUST WRITE! :)

Monday, October 4, 2010

"I have loved you with an everlasting love." -God

Monday, October 04, 2010 5
"I have loved you with an everlasting love." -God
As I run out the door, I wanted to share this awesome quote with you (above). It's become one of my favorites. It is a verse from the Bible - somewhere in Isaiah, I believe - but I'm not sure of the reference. I just think it's amazing to think about. God, the God of the universe, loves ME with an everlasting love? One that will never pass away, never fade, never die? Wow. Now THAT is cool. :D

He loves you too with that kind of love. Don't forget that. :)

Everlasting love. It's yours.

Friday, September 24, 2010

R. I. P. Narniagirl

Friday, September 24, 2010 2
R. I. P. Narniagirl
Once upon a time, there was a blog called Further Up and Further In.

But it was not the Further Up and Further In that you are thinking of. No... it was a completely different blog, set in a completely different place in time. This blog was run by Narniagirl, a girl you may not think you know but whom you actually do.

That Further Up and Further In (FUFI) blog came into the world in 2006, and was faithfully upkept until the land that the blog lived in was destroyed, making way for new things. Narniagirl was destitute. She searched for a place to go, and found a place where many of her friends had relocated. She set up housekeeping there in a small private cottage, and then opened up to the world, naming it FUFI just like her old home. Narniagirl herself however wanted a somewhat fresh start, so she renamed herself. Her name is now Sky, and she is typing this post at this very moment.

Although Narniagirl and the old FUFI hold fond memories, Sky is now moving on to a future full of bright hopes and many dreams. Narniagirl is a thing of the past, and she will be missed. But do not think of her with sorrow. Think of her as a wonderful memory that will live on... in the form of Sky. We will miss Narniagirl, but she is not dead! She is still around, just by a different name. (Me, people, that would be me.)

So, with that thought, R.I.P., Narniagirl.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Won't Let Me Go

Monday, August 23, 2010 0
Won't Let Me Go
 I love the harmonies and style of this song. The lyrics are AMAZING! I can relate... a lot. :) Go listen to it here!

Addison Road - Let Me Go
Welcome to my latest disaster
Same book just another chapter
I never thought it could be worse then last year
But here I am again today
I laugh 'cause it hurts when I scream
But I'll make it through 'cause I believe


That even when my heart breaks
And everything's shaken
I'm left alone in the rain
You won't, you won't, won't
You won't let me go
When life's insane
And everything's crazy
You carry me through the pain
And you won't, you won't, won't
You won't let me go

Here we go it's a three-ring circus
Juggling it all, trying to find my purpose
With each new day, I'm praying just to make it through
When my next disaster is near
I know that you'll meet me right here

That even when my heart breaks
And everything's shaken
I'm left alone in the rain
You won't, you won't, won't
You won't let me go
When life's insane
And everything's crazy
You carry me through the pain
And you won't, you won't, won't
You won't let me go

I feel your love that surrounds me
My world can shake but it won't drown me
'Cause I'm trusting you
No matter what I'm going through

That even when my heart breaks
And everything's shaken
I'm left alone in the rain
You won't, you won't, won't
You won't let me go
When life's insane
And everything's crazy
You carry me through the pain
And you won't, you won't, won't
You won't let me go

P.S. - a post is coming soon about what's going on in my life right now. It's probably going to be titled Bathrooms, Basses, and Babysitting. Or something like that. Oh, and go check out my new about me page while you're waiting!

Monday, August 16, 2010

I'm a poet, didn't you know it?! :D

Monday, August 16, 2010 1
I'm a poet, didn't you know it?! :D
It's the middle of summer, and my feet are cold.
I could put two pairs of socks on... if I get bold
Why did I try to start off with this rhyme?
I think I just committed a writer's crime...
I need to stop but I just can't do it
I'm a poet at heart when it comes down to it
I'm not just cold but I'm hungry too
I guess, if I wanted to, I could get some food.
I'm growing tired of this rhyming game
But I kind of enjoy it even if it's lame
I decided it's been so long since I wrote anything
So you'd better read this post with lots of rejoicing
I'd make an excuse,
But what would I say? There's really no use.
I've been busy, that's true, but I've said that before
I'd better stop before I write anymore
I hope you enjoyed this post long overdue
I wrote it specifically for you, and you.
My faithful readers, even if they are few.
I'll try to post soon, it's been too long, I know.
But now it's time for me to go.
My blog entries will soon become valuable as gold.
Since it's the middle of a busy summer...
...and my feet are still cold.

Friday, July 23, 2010

More Beautiful You

Friday, July 23, 2010 1
More Beautiful You
One song that has spoken to me greatly as I've gotten older and faced the struggles that so many girls face is Jonny Diaz's song, More Beautiful You. I appreciate this song from a guy's perspective, encouraging girls that the way they are is beautiful, and not to settle for lies from Satan and the world telling them they're not good enough.The lyrics are simple and straightforward, with a poignant message that I believe every young woman needs to hear.

{read the rest of this post...}

Monday, July 19, 2010

[getting there]

Monday, July 19, 2010 1
[getting there]
I opened a new blog entry because I feel the need to write something. Then I stared emptily at the blank screen, at a loss for words. It's not that I don't have a topic to write about - it's because I have too many. Words and ideas swirl around in my brain, a constant stream of thoughts that barely give me a moment's peace. It was the same way last night. I couldn't sleep because of the lyrics that kept showing up and tapping me on the shoulder. They begged to be written down, so how could I resist? Yet the penmarks on my page have yet to form one, complete song. They are still a bunch of random thoughts, scribbled out in the frenzy of inspiration. But it's getting there. And that's what matters.

I've had the random desire to read my Bible more often. It's highly unusual for me to have that happen, so I'm trying to soak it up all I can. I still have so much growing to do as a Christian. My life has yet to make total sense, to fit into the bigger picture. But isn't it that way for all of us?

I think we're scribblings on a page, placed exactly where God wants us. And we can rest in the fact that he's working in our lives, as the Author of Life. He'll take care of us and weave us perfectly into His plan. Someday we'll all be part of a beautiful masterpiece. We're already a part of one now - we just don't see it yet.

But until then...we're getting there. And that's what matters.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

"Take me as I am, I just want to be with You..."

Thursday, July 15, 2010 1
"Take me as I am, I just want to be with You..."
on my mind: lots of things...like how kids say the funniest things, how amazing it is that God loves me, and my new pair of humongous sunglasses. :P

praying for: Noah, as well as some other requests.

what I want to do this week: Write a little more of the story I started last night, maybe do some creating, play my guitar, and enjoy my family.

song of the week: Take Me As I Am, by FM Static (the lyrics in my title is from that song. It's worth a listen.)

what God has been teaching me: to let Him handle my life and to trust Him completely. Believe me, it's not an easy lesson to learn.

random fact about me: I. Hate. Peas. They're disgusting.

quote of the week: "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." - Dr. Seuss.

these are a few of my favorite things...: rain, sunshine, music, and Sharpies.

looking forward to: babysitting some little boys this week, seeing my grandparents, and talking to my friends.

according to Him...: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

Friday, June 25, 2010

Under Construction

Friday, June 25, 2010 2
Under Construction
June 26th, 1:54 PM
edit: I'm done! What do you all think?? :D

June 25th
Hey all,

This blog is under construction! I'm messing with the template, trying to get it to look nice. :) So bear with me! And expect more posts in the very near future.

- Me

Monday, May 31, 2010

I am here...sorta

Monday, May 31, 2010 2
I am here...sorta
Wow! Life has been CRAZY!

Okay, I know. I say that a lot. But this time it really has been!

I'm tired... *stares dismally into her empty coffee cup*

Here's a little math question for you.

What does 3 graduations + 1 crazy sleepover + 3 days of randomly driving around all over the world* + 1 day getting lost in the mountains equal?

One tired hobbit.

* slight exaggeration may occur.

Thursday, May 20, 2010


Thursday, May 20, 2010 4
Edmund is one of the characters in Narnia that I find the most dynamic. He's such an amazing picture of how all of us need grace and someone to save us. C.S. Lewis is one of my favorite authors and he never fails to surprise me - I can always think of something new and incredibly genius that he put into his books that I've never seen before.

Anyway, I had a major inspiration kick this week and made some graphics using lyrics from some of my favorite songs that remind me of Edmund. These blends are some of my favorites that I've ever made, and I wanted to share them, along with the song lyrics. (If you're reading this from the mailing list, you'll have to go to my blog to view them.)

{Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

- Who I Am Hates Who I've Been, Relient K}

{When he looked at me and said
I kind of view you as a son
And for a second our eyes met
And I met that with a question
Do you know what you are getting yourself into?

I'm getting into you
Because you got to me, in a way words can't describe
I'm getting into you
Because I've got to be
You're essential to survive
I'm going to love you with my life

I've been a liar and I'll never amount to
The kind of person you deserve to worship you
You say you will not dwell on what I did but rather what I do you say
I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into
- Getting Into You, Relient K}

[Please don't use these graphics without my permission. Feel free to ask!]

Friday, May 14, 2010

A Shower of Starlight {a poem}

Friday, May 14, 2010 1
A Shower of Starlight {a poem}
So, yes... I am in a very poetic mood. I pondered this poem all day yesterday and finally wrote it down last night. It was partly inspired by C.S. Lewis's The Last Battle.


In a shower of starlight
We'll say goodbye
To all our pain
Let our tears dry
In a shower of starlight
We'll fall to our knees
Overwhelmed and speechless
He's opened our eyes

In a shower of starlight
We'll dance unashamedly
In the rain
Embrace that we're free
In a shower of starlight
He'll pull us into His embrace
Hold us close
Wipe the tears from our face

In a shower of starlight
We'll sing our last song
Vibrant and bold, yet longing
For things to come
In a shower of starlight
Our voices are one
With His, in a chorus
That's hardly begun

In a shower of starlight
We'll meet our first love
At long last reunited
With the one we sing of
In a shower of starlight
We'll weep tears of joy
Finally with forever
Time cannot stop us now

In a shower of starlight
We'll bid farewell
To this reality we've created
So much for this shell
In a shower of starlight
We'll say hello
To promise of all things new
Something none of us know

In a shower of starlight
We'll watch it all end
This last word of the final chapter
Of the world of men
In a shower of starlight
We'll witness the demise
Tinged with bittersweet
In Christ there are no goodbyes

In a shower of starlight
Beauty will fall
Into its Creator
Following His call
In a shower of starlight
This world will fall
Away for all time
We have followed His call

In a shower of starlight
This earth's light is dimming
Making way for a new one
A beautiful story
That's just now beginning
After a shower of starlight
We'll step into the unknown
The place we were meant to be
We are finally home


“I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now...Come further up, come further in!” - Jewel the Unicorn in The Last Battle


This Is Home - Switchfoot
This is home,
Now I'm finally where I belong,
Where I belong
This is home,
I've been searching for a place of my own,
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home, yeah this is home...

And now
After all my searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home
I've got a brand new mindset
I can finally see the sunset
I'm gonna call it home...

I've come too far
And I won't go back
Yeah, this is home.


He who testifies to these things says, "Yes, I am coming soon."
      Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.

The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God's people. Amen. - Revelation 22:20-21

Thursday, May 13, 2010

How Beautiful

Thursday, May 13, 2010 1
How Beautiful
 I've been in a very poetic mood lately. I found this poem that I wrote in January, that has remained one of my favorites for some unknown reason, and decided to post it. So, without further ado...

How Beautiful
Oh, how beautiful
The stars tonight
My lovely
Shining so bright
My lovely
How beautiful

Oh, how beautiful
This child's eyes
Brimming with hope
My lovely
How beautiful

Oh, how beautiful
Butterfly's wings
Shimmering with grace
My lovely
How beautiful

Oh, how beautiful
This music of joy
Ministering to the weak
My lovely

Oh, how beautiful
This marvelous light
My lovely
Illuminating hearts
My lovely

Oh, how beautiful
This love of mine
My lovely
Cleansing you
My lovely
How beautiful you are

Monday, May 10, 2010


Monday, May 10, 2010 1
I have a question...

Is it possible to have life be completely insane, and yet feel like everything is the same as before, boring and lifeless?

Just wondering...

Maybe it's just burnout. Wouldn't surprise me. Going and going doesn't work so well. Unless you're the Energizer bunny. Which, you all know - I'm so far from being the Energizer bunny. Haha....

I need to write something worth reading, but what? All ideas are fleeting. Inspiration has run away and locked itself in a closet, yet my desire to write remains. What should I write? Suggestions would be most welcome. I feel pretty dry... like I'm stranded in the middle of a desert with no water. I'm sure you can agree that pretty much stinks. It's stinky. It's more than stinky. It's a dumpster. [Random!]

At least this is just a season. At least...I think it is. May is busy! Oy...when will things calm down?! I'm so tired! :P

My rant is over. We will now return to regularly-scheduled programming.

[Okay....this song is completely cute. I just had to say that.]

Wednesday, May 5, 2010


Wednesday, May 05, 2010 1
List of reasons why I like coffee:
1. It tastes so smooth.
2. And sweet.
3. It's awesome.
4. It's amazing.
5. Did I mention it tastes good?
6. It gives you energy.
7. A lot of energy.
8. Too much energy.
9. I have a t-shirt that says "Thank God for coffee."
10. I am wearing said t-shirt right now
11. Coffee is YUMMY!
12. I love coffee.
13. Coffee shops are one of my favorite places.
14. I love to pour it into the cup.
15. It smells good.
16. It tastes good!
17. Coffee is delicious.
18. Yep. Coffee = amazingness.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Wow. Just...wow.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010 1
Wow. Just...wow.
I love this more than anything.

Writing is in my soul. Creating was what I was born to do.

Lately I've been co-authoring, and my friend and I have been writing yet another novel. But not tonight.

Tonight, God wrote through us.

The chills won't stop. I could feel Him. These were not my words. They were His. They are His.

Lord, my books are Yours. I am Yours. I don't want to write unless you are there, writing with me and through me. Show me the way, guide me and let me always love you.

Let Your words be my own.

Friday, April 23, 2010


Friday, April 23, 2010 2
The past few days, I've been drawn to the concept of wind. It seems like God keeps bringing it up, whether it's in song lyrics, Bible verses, or blog posts. It's really fascinating what I've found.

He [God] let loose the east wind from the heavens and led forth the south wind by his power. -Psalm 78:26

Let all that I am praise the Lord.
   O Lord my God, how great you are!
      You are robed with honor and majesty.
   You are dressed in a robe of light.
   You stretch out the starry curtain of the heavens;
   you lay out the rafters of your home in the rain clouds.
   You make the clouds your chariot;
      you ride upon the wings of the wind.
 The winds are your messengers;
      flames of fire are your servants.
 - Psalm 104:1-4 (the rest of this chapter is really interesting!)

I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind. -Ecclesiastes 1:14

The concept of wind has really struck me. Not only has the weather been weird over here lately, but I've seen the significance and the intense mystery of the wind. The wind is not only incredibly strong, but it's also amazingly gentle. The awesome thing is, it can be both these things at the same time. Beautiful...and strong. There are so many things about wind that remind me of God, and He seems to be reminding me lately. Coincidence? I think not.

These are just some random, scattered thoughts, but I'd like to sum this post up with one thing I've come to realize this week.

God is like the wind.

I can't see Him, but He's there.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

No one could ever love me like You...

Wednesday, April 21, 2010 0
No one could ever love me like You...
This troubled heartache
won't go away
I think there might be
something wrong with me
I take a deep breath and maybe
I'll stop this shaking
God please don't forsake me
I might be crazy

Am I losing my mind?
Sometimes I feel like
things are getting worse in time
If I try will you open my eyes?
And make me a part of you
like you're a friend of mine

Next time I'm losing my mind
I'll remember that to find my way out
Is just a waste of time
In place of all my mistakes
You've seen through the shadows above me
No one could ever love me like you

If I finish what I started
and get swept under the carpet
I'll still be thankful for all you've done
Take a note to remind me
that you know where you can find me
I'll probably end up right back here again

Am I losing my mind?
Sometimes I feel like
things are getting worse in time
If I try will you open my eyes?
And make me a part of you
like you're a friend of mine

Next time I'm losing my mind
I'll remember that to find my way out
is just a waste of time
In place of all my mistakes
seen through the shadows above me
No one could ever love...

I'll be everything that you want me to
except for perfect
I'm trying hard just to understand
your plan for me
I'll be everywhere that you want me to
unless I fall
I'm just trying to get my life back again

Next time I'm losing my mind
I'll remember that to find my way out
is just a waste of time
In place of all my mistakes
You've seen through the shadows above me
No one could ever love me...

Next time I'm losing my mind
I'll remember that to find my way out
is just a waste of time
In place of all my mistakes
You've seen through the shadows above me
No one could ever love me like you

{Waste of Time, FM Static}

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Is Forever Enough?

Tuesday, April 20, 2010 0
Is Forever Enough?
What makes all of us hate?
We're all the same
We roll the dice
And we play your game
We complicate
Show us the way
Before it's too late
And the whole thing breaks

We have a name
We all create
Everything else,
the mistakes we made
We'll make a change
We'll concentrate
Before we suffocate

Can't hold this in
And keep it quiet any longer
I've fallen in
And now this feeling's getting stronger

You take my breath away
Now I'm trying to get up
I'm trying to retrace
My steps back
To wherever I messed up
Is forever enough?
I'm holding on
I know you'll be there
Whenever I wake up...
- Is Forever Enough, Hawk Nelson

Thursday, April 8, 2010

The Dance

Thursday, April 08, 2010 2
The Dance
Life is so crazy.

Life is... life.

Thoughts are swirling around in my brain. I just honestly don't know what to say.

Life has been so crazy.

Life has been...life.

Life is life. God is good. Life is life, God is good. I need to remind myself of this...often.

Lately I've been feeling spiritually dry, and I've noticed that several other bloggers have, too. I was so surprised when I came across Abigail's post, Bekah's post, and Hannah's post, all in the same week, when I've been struggling with the same thing. God works in mysterious ways, no?

So, even now, a few weeks later, I still feel dry. But my viewpoint is a little different. One thing I really took away from the posts I linked above was that life is a dance. We're dancing in a field...with Jesus. With sunshine. With light. With love. Oh my goodness. The thought of it makes my heart want to sing.

Even though life won't necessarily stop, we can still slow down and remember. Remember that life is a dance. With Jesus. With love. Sometimes the music is slow, sometimes it's fast. Sometimes life goes past slowly, sometimes it's fast. But one thing never changes. We're still dancing...with Jesus. And as long as we remember that, we can always come back to Him, feeling safe in His arms as we continue the dance. A beautiful dance. Of light. Of love.

Even when the storm clouds come, we'll dance in the rain. We'll bask in the joy on sunshiny days. And Jesus will remain constant. Forever.

Jesus is waiting. Run to the field. Meet Him there. Join the dance.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Even If....

Monday, April 05, 2010 1
Even If....
"I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia." —C.S. Lewis

I have been thinking about this quote lately, and how it can be applied to us as Christians. Thoughts, anyone?

Monday, March 15, 2010

Something Holy

Monday, March 15, 2010 0
Something Holy
I love this song! It really just speaks to my heart. Then again, all of the songs on this CD are awesome too. It's one of the most worshipful albums I've heard in a while, and I highly recommend it. Another song on the album that gets me excited is We Shine [which I might also post about] - I'd love it if you'd listen to both of these. They're pretty much amazing.

Something Holy - Stellar Kart 
You say that the well's run dry.
And there's no more tears to cry.
You're searching for something real.
To make you feel.

You know that you're incomplete.
A song with a broken beat.
There's a hole in all our hearts.
And there's a reason why

We were born to be,
A part of something holy.
All of us are restless until we find.
We were born to be,
A part of something holy.
Bigger than, bigger than
You and I.
Bigger than all our lives.

The hunger you feel inside,
That keeps you unsatisfied.
It pulls at you constantly.
Like gravity.
This world never was enough.
We're made for a deeper love.
There's a whole in all our hearts.
It's part of our desire.

We were born to be,
A part of something holy.
All of us are restless until we find
We were born to be,
A part of something holy.
Bigger than, bigger than
You and I.
Bigger than all our lives.

All our lives we long for something more.
The life that we were all created for.

We were born to be,
A part of something holy.
All of us are restless until we find.
We were born to be,
A part of something holy.
Bigger than, bigger than
Bigger than you and I.
Bigger than, bigger than all our lives
Bigger than, bigger than

Sunday, March 14, 2010

A Hundred Stones

Sunday, March 14, 2010 0
A Hundred Stones
Okay, so I found this snippet of writing that I wrote a while ago. I was actually trying out Write or Die, which is where you have to write a certain amount of words in a certain amount of time [i.e., 500 words in 10 minutes]. It's actually really neat, and as you can imagine, I was typing whatever came to mind in order to reach my goal. This is the result. I wasn't sure what I was thinking of when I wrote it, but I think I had Adam in mind [you know, as in Adam & Eve], and I think you might understand once you read it. I like to think it's some sort of freestyle. Anyway, I thought you would enjoy reading it. [and in case you're wondering, I came up with the title "A Hundred Stones" on the spot.]
I don't know what I did,
I was sure that something would be better than nothing.
I ate some fruit... that's all I did.
Why has it unleashed this punishment on the earth?
I can't understand... why is this happening?
The generations after me will hate me,
And they will know that I was the one who let evil be unleashed.
God, where are you?
I can't see you, hear you, or feel you.
Where have you gone?
Please, please come back.
Life is not worth living without you.
I miss our easygoing walks in the gardens,
Where I could tell you anything that was on my heart.
I miss being so innocent, so carefree.
Where has that carefree spirit gone?
My heart is heavy, weighted by a hundred stones.
I cannot bear the consequences I must face.
God, my father, please, make this easier to bear.
Help me to feel that you are there.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

A Novel, Part 2

Saturday, March 13, 2010 2
A Novel, Part 2
Oh. My. Goodness.

I. Am. So. Stinking. Excited.

Ashley and I finished our novel. We finished it. In 51 days.

And the final wordcount is...72,926.

This was one of the best experiences of my life. I am really thrilled right now, in case you couldn't tell.

So, you may ask, now what?

Well... I'm not really sure, but I think I know. How about a break? A really nice, LONG break. Don't be surprised if I go AWOL (absent without leave). See you in a few months... ;)

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Wings Like Eagles

Tuesday, March 09, 2010 0
Wings Like Eagles
       Do you not know?
       Have you not heard?
       The LORD is the everlasting God,
       the Creator of the ends of the earth.
       He will not grow tired or weary,
       and his understanding no one can fathom.
   He gives strength to the weary
       and increases the power of the weak.
 Even youths grow tired and weary,
       and young men stumble and fall;
 but those who hope in the LORD
       will renew their strength.
       They will soar on wings like eagles;
       they will run and not grow weary,
       they will walk and not be faint. 
(Isaiah 40:28-31)
This is exactly what I needed to hear from God this week. I'm so thankful for the Bible, which he still uses today as a love letter from Him to us. There are so many words of hope contained in His book. Have you read them lately?

Thursday, March 4, 2010

A Novel

Thursday, March 04, 2010 3
A Novel
 This is a true story. It occurred on February 20th, 2010.

My fingers fly over the keyboard, excitement flowing through my veins. We’re almost there. Almost there! After a full month of writing, we almost have a novel. The thought is almost too big for me to handle. A novel. Who knew I would have co-authored a novel only one year after becoming a teenager?

On this journey of being a writer, I never imagined it would take me thus far. Of course, writers write, but I never thought how fulfilling that would be. Even though it’s so much work, I write because I have to. No questions asked.

I finish writing my paragraph, and tell Ashley I’m done. Throughout this whole IM conversation, we’ve been freaking out and talking about how awesome this is. “Okay,” she types back. “I’ll say this only once–I LOVE OUR STORY!”

I grin, feeling another burst of ecstacy. “Me TOO!” I type back.

The moments pass slowly as I wait for her to get done writing, but before I know it she says she’s done. I hurry to go check the wordcount.

“Oh my goodness,” I say. “Guess what?”

“Did we MAKE IT?!” she asks.

I grin as I answer her. “YES!”

“YAY!” she says. “I’m so excited right now.”

“Me too,” I say. I am excited… so excited that I might scream. If it weren’t the middle of the night, I would.

“We have a novel! And we wrote it in 27 days!” Ashley says.

“Oh my goodness… yes!”

I smile to myself. I have a novel. We have a novel. How very exciting.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


Tuesday, February 16, 2010 5
If you want one thing to make you very sore, I would have to suggest pretending to be a frog.

Furthermore, if you have to do an interpretive speech, but aren't sure how to get started or just want practice interpreting characters, I would definitely have to suggest pretending to be a frog. Not only is it good practice, but it will pretty much take away all dignity you previously had. Better to get that out of the way rather than later.

Oh, and if you're looking to make an adorable little girl giggle, pretend to be a frog. Loosen up your legs, and bend them in a squat, make your eyes big, and talk in a deep voice. It's guaranteed to get a few giggles, and it will definitely be worth it... even if your legs are sore afterwards.

(Comment if you want me to explain the backstory behind this.)

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Beautiful Music

Wednesday, February 10, 2010 2
Beautiful Music
Things I learned today:

1.) I can sing harmony.
2.) I LOVE to harmonize.
3.) My voice works best either singing harmony, or singing with other people.
4.) I can play the piano.
5.) I LOVE to play the piano.
6.) I can write songs.
7.) I LOVE to write songs.

Yup, that was pretty much my day. :)

Sometimes I feel music deep inside of me, but I don't know how to get it out. It's kind of hard to describe, but I think that slowly, I'm learning how to musically express myself. It's truly beautiful to hear my own songs of praise rising up to the throne of God. I don't mean that to sound vain, but I love being able to express my adoration for Him through song. It's amazing.

Music itself is simply beautiful!

Monday, February 8, 2010

Cracked Pots

Monday, February 08, 2010 0
Cracked Pots
It's not easy for me to post this poem. It's the first poem that I don't fully understand. I wasn't trying to put meaning into it, yet every time I read it I find something more that I never intended to write. This poem was penned the night after the sermon on weakness, and it was my overflow of thoughts from the night. None of them made total sense at the time, but I think that most of it was inspired by God.

It's because of the potent meaning in this poem that I'm sharing it with you, my closest friends. Feedback would be much appreciated, but not necessary. One of these days maybe I'll write what this poem means to me. But for now, I shall leave you with the poem itself. I hope this speaks to your heart in some way.

The darkness
It hangs like a shroud
Reminding me of who I have been
And what I have not
Past sins fill my mind
With anguish
Who am I?
A sinner.
What am I?

Cracked pots
Broken stones
Weak vessels
Amazing grace

I live a double life
Ashamed of one life
Unsure of the other
I am a good person
I go to church
I read my Bible
I am a good person.
But not really.
I sleep in the dirt
I have no home
This poison is only what keeps me alive
I think this is what I chose
But I’m not sure
I think Someone could save me
But I’m not sure
I’m broken
Too far gone to be saved
…I think.

Cracked pots,
Broken stones
Weak vessels,
Amazing grace

It splits through this fog
O God, what have you done?
Why must this hurt?
Why do you not answer my cry?
It hurts
Oh, it hurts.
Father, take this from me!
Let me walk again!
I am so weak.
So weak.
Are you stronger?

Cracked pots, broken stones
Weak vessels, imperfect lives.
Hopeless night, increasing dawn
Spilled water, scattered seeds.

Amazing Grace.

My God, my God
Why have you forsaken me?
May this cup pass from me?
I feel their sorrow.
I feel their pain
I cannot contain this compassion
So I cry for you
For cracked souls, broken hearts
Oh this love
Purest love
Overwhelmed by love
Oh, how beautiful, this love
I will die.
I will die for love.

Grace in weakness
Perfect power
Made complete
Through brokenness
Fulfilling His plan
Through brokenness
Perfect love
Made complete
Through brokenness

Cracked souls, broken hearts
Weak vessels, wounded healers
Made complete through brokenness

This is Jesus
This is grace.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

this treasure

Wednesday, February 03, 2010 0
this treasure

6For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness, made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.

7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

13It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."b]">[b]With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. 15All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. - 1 Corinthians 4:6-18.


This is what I needed to hear today. I'd encourage you to read through the words and really ponder what they mean. The thought that God's light is a treasure inside me -- when I am nothing but a jar of clay -- is incredible. This is now one of my favorite passages, and I hope to memorize at least some of it eventually.

The topic of light has been on my mind a lot lately. What the Bible says about God being the Light has stuck in my brain and I've been contemplating what the analogy means. Any thoughts on that?

Saturday, January 30, 2010


Saturday, January 30, 2010 0
[Side note: Well, I changed my template around. I've been trying to figure out Blogger's HTML, and it's been quite an experience. I've had a lot of fun today experimenting around with this. I can't decide if I like this template... I mean I do, but there are some things I don't like. What do you think?]

Tonight we went to church, and I got to see a few families who have gotten their children from Haiti! It has been amazing to see how God's sovereignty has prevailed, even in the midst of disaster. My heart is overwhelmed just thinking about His goodness. How great is our God!

The church service was amazing tonight. Oh my goodness. Our pastor's brother spoke, and he had the most encouraging message I've heard in a long time. His topic? Embracing your weakness. This is the key verse he used throughout the sermon, and even though I've read it many times I'm just now seeing it in a new light:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. - 1 Corinthians 12:9
Wow. Isn't that powerful? Jesus is able to work through us when we are weak, rather than when we are strong. He wants us to rely on His strength.

God wants us to grow through affliction. Sometimes He will deliver us from it, and sometimes He won't. It's been so hard for me to understand this. Then I realized... Jesus pleaded with His Father before he was going to be crucified, asking if there was any possible way this cup could be taken from Him. God had to say no, so that His perfect plan would prevail.

The speaker shared the story of two pots. One of them was formed perfectly, had no flaws, and always came back from the well full of water. The other was cracked and broken, and had many imperfections. One day, the Master said to the broken pot, "I knew you were cracked and imperfect, and so I took the time to walk behind you and scatter seeds. The water that you leaked was used to let those seeds grow, and now they are the flowers and trees that bring beauty to your path."

Isn't that powerful? I loved that story! This whole concept makes me think of a song my dad has sung to me ever since I was a baby, and you probably know it --

Jesus loves me, this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak but He is strong
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so

We don't have to be perfect, because God is, and His strength is made perfect in our weakness. How wonderful a thought that is! His grace is sufficient!

These are just a few thoughts that have been floating around in my mind and I just had to articulate them in some way. Feel free to chip in with your thoughts!

[Oh, and on another side note, I am actually kind of looking forward to practicing impromptu speaking in a few days. I'm not dreading it, that's for sure. Thanks Catey!]
His love is yours,

Thursday, January 28, 2010


Thursday, January 28, 2010 1
These lyrics pretty much sum up how I feel right now.

Tears have fallen water beads
Wipe the floor with my regrets
In the crevice tiny seeds
Spring to life from pardoned debts
And all I have, all I have is

Praises on my tongue
From my heart
For our God who became flesh
For us all
Unto you
I will sing my praises
Sing forever

In the quiet I lament
Every nail, my sin did buy
And I wonder why you spent
Lavish blood on such as I
When all I have, all I have is

Praises on my tongue
From my heart
For our God who became flesh
For us all
Unto you
I will sing my praises
sing forever

Oh, for a thousand
Tongues to sing
To sing aloud
Sing aloud
Oh, to the Glory
Of my God and King
To sing aloud
Sing aloud

-- (Praises, by Newsboys)

It's been a rough but good day. I've been feeling horrible physically, and on top of that I've fought some battles today. Spiritual battles... such as whether to forgive, or not to forgive. Did I win? You'll have to wait to read my KOF devo to find out. ;)

Right now, all I have is... praises on my tongue, from my heart, for our God who became flesh, for us all, unto You, I will sing my praises, sing forever...

Praise Him!!!!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

a mess

Tuesday, January 26, 2010 0
a mess
yes, i know i just posted. but i just...feel like writing right now. and for my sanity's sake, there will be no uppercase letters in this post if i can help it. enjoy the imperfection... i just need to write without thinking about the rules.

i've been having trouble being content lately. it's one of those weeks where my hormones are raging, and i really don't feel like being happy. i've been reading in my Bible about joy, and even wrote a devotional about it at beautiful in Christ. but it's been really hard for me to take to heart. i know joy isn't based on circumstances, but i'm trying to figure out how to make it otherwise (at least in my life).

living in the city has been really annoying for me lately, because i want to go out and have adventures. there's not much adventure to find in the city, obviously, unless you want to throw yourself into rush hour traffic (and then again, that's just stupid). also, i've been having trouble finding things to creatively photograph, and because i like creatively photographing things, that's been kind of frustrating. as silly as it sounds, i start feeling really down when i'm not able to be creative. i'm not sure what that's about, but it seems to fit my personality. *shrugs*

i had a good idea for my introduction speech, so i'm going to be working on that. then again, i've also been having issues with procrastination. like, serious procrastination. so, even though i came up with the idea last night, this is actually the first time i've thought about my introduction. *headesk*

i have to get going (sleep is awesome, i'm discovering), but i just have to leave you with this video that i love.

there now. wasn't that sweet? :D

love to you all! remember, His love is yours.

the king of glory

Tuesday, January 26, 2010 1
the king of glory
What a fallen world
Who is this king of glory?
I'm not ashamed
Who is this king of glory?
How can this love be understood?
Oh, this king of glory.

Who can save this world?
The Lord Almighty
Who gives us this message to be spread?
The Lord Almighty
Who can heal these broken shards?
Oh, the king of glory.

Praise Him forever and ever
He is the king of glory
Let Him whisper to your heart
Oh, the king of glory

Who is he, this king of glory?
The Lord Almighty--
He is this king of glory

Praise Him forever and ever
Oh, this king of glory
He is the king of glory.

Monday, January 25, 2010

love beyond all imagining

Monday, January 25, 2010 0
love beyond all imagining
"He died not for men, but for each man. If each man had been the only man made, He would have done no less."— C.S. Lewis

What a wonderful thought -- that Jesus died for each of us, just so we could be with Him, and be His children. The thought that He would have died only for me, when I am far from deserving, is almost beyond my comprehension. The love He showed us on the cross is truly love beyond all imagining.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

our GOD is in control...

Saturday, January 16, 2010 1
our GOD is in control...

Our God is in control!! He hasn't taken His eye off His children in Haiti. He's holding every one of us. We just have to trust Him.

My mom was telling me about the devastation in Haiti, and especially about what's been going on at an orphanage/outreach we support there, called For His Glory. Things aren't looking good, and the situation seemed even worse than I had thought. I felt so helpless... and sorrow overwhelmed me. What could I possibly do? Praying seemed futile at this point, although I knew that was the best thing I could do. Honestly, I wanted to ship my whole family and I out to Haiti!

Then I watched this video (above). The pictures of all the adorable children made me smile, but it almost made me more sad. But as I watched more, I heard the Steven Curtis Chapman song in the background. The lyrics really stood out to me - "Our God is in control."

I realized it isn't up to us to save Haiti. Our God is still watching over Haiti. He hasn't abandoned them. He knows. And He's taking care of all of us... we just can't see it yet. We just have to trust Him... because He knows what He's doing.

So in your prayers and efforts to help, just know that there's more going on here that we can't see. God has a plan, far beyond anything we can understand. He will take care of the people of Haiti. He is taking care of them far better than mere humans ever could. Surrender everything to Him... because He can handle it. He's got it all under control.

Friday, January 15, 2010

praying for haiti

Friday, January 15, 2010 1
praying for haiti
Lord, my heart is sad hearing about the devastation in Haiti. I pray that you would be with the people who are now homeless, wounded, and grieving. Help them to know you are there, and draw them to you. Sustain them, Father... be their hope.

Please join me in praying for those affected by the earthquake in Haiti. At least three million people were affected and Haiti is in desperate need of our prayers, now more than ever. The earthquake has killed so many and left others homeless, injured, and grieving. It has literally devastated their nation. Besides their extreme poverty and malnourishment, the people of Haiti are in need of Jesus. Let us stand and fight for the Haitians in the best way we can.... through prayer.

I encourage you to read my friend Catey's post on this subject. She has more information on the culture and spiritual state of Haiti, as well as a sobering and heartfelt poem.

Come on, prayer warriors. Let's pray.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

who do you follow?

Saturday, January 09, 2010 2
who do you follow?
I want to be in the mountains right now. It's a place of solitude, of rest. I want to be in the quiet, away from just... life. Silence is truly a valued thing, I've learned, especially this week. There's been so much noise and chaos I can hardly feel myself think. Even right now, the sound of a vacuum reverberates in my ears. Sigh.

This has been a harder week. I feel like I've constantly been fighting spiritual battles. I'm getting worn down. In a way, it's interesting to be feeling like I'm in the midst of a battle, but the opposition feels so strong. Sometimes I feel like evil is pressing in on every side. I've found new meaning in the Psalms wrote about being surrounded. I've been trying to remember my spiritual armor (according to Ephesians 6), and that has helped, but I'm still trying to grasp the exact meaning of that. How do you put on spiritual armor? Is it an allegory or word picture? Or actual virtues that we can put into practice that shield us from evil? I'm not sure I really understand that concept... yet.

Tonight at church it became clear for me... what life and our walk with God are all about -- following Jesus. When Jesus called each of His disciples, He said, "Follow me." He didn't say, "Join the church," or "Do this, do that." He didn't even say, "Change your lifestyle." He said, "Follow me." He knew that once someone followed Him, Jesus would naturally become the focus of their lives. Their desires would fall into line with His, and thus reflect His heart. Our focus needs to be Jesus in order for everything else to be right. Christianity is not about figuring out what's right and wrong, it's about following Jesus and letting Him tweak our desires to fit into His plan. When He's our focus, everything else will fall into place. It's that simple.

So, tonight I became a Jesus Follower. I may have been one before, but this year, I'm determined to follow Him even more. I'm praying that He will be my one source, my leader, my guiding light... my King. I know He will be. This year, I want my focus to be Jesus... nothing else. I pray that He is yours too.

(Wow. That went in a totally different direction than I thought it would. It felt so awesome just to write, though. In a way, this blog has been very therapeutic. I know I already posted tonight, but that's bound to happen. I have too many thoughts spilling over. The beauty of journaling, and probably why I enjoy it so much is that there are no rules.)

Oh, one last note - I have my MRI on Monday. I've done one before so I'm not too worried, but maybe a little nervous. I would so appreciate your prayers!


Saturday, January 09, 2010 0
"If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world."
C.S. Lewis

Sometimes I feel wistful... almost sorrowful in my deep longing for home. I'm constantly homesick, at times more than others.

I miss Jesus. I miss Heaven... my true home.

Friday, January 8, 2010

and it was so {a poem}

Friday, January 08, 2010 1
and it was so {a poem}
The ocean pounds against the sand.

Prompted by the wind, the trees clap their hands.

The clouds drift across the sky, subject to the breeze’s whims.

The wind dances through the grass, riffling the blades like a sea of green.

Like a sea of glass, the lake waits.

Suddenly, it happens.
Let there be light.
And there was light.

Creation spills from His fingertips.
They all have waited long for this moment.
The trees.
The seas.
The breeze.

Come into being, He whispers.
And it was so.

His world comes to life.
A brilliant landscape, straight from the mind of the King.

The ocean pounds against the sand, beating in tandem with His heartbeat.

The trees clap their hands in addition to the ocean’s song, enthusiastic applause for their Maker.

The clouds drift through the sky, subject to the Creator’s whims.

The wind dances through the grass, riffling through the blades like a green sea bowing in adoration.

Like a sea of glass, the lake waits to reflect His image.

Slowly, it happens.
God saw it, and it was good.
Creation begins to sing.
They have waited long for this moment.
The trees.
The seas.
The breeze.

My delight is in you, He whispers.
And it was so.

Monday, January 4, 2010

prayer request ~ my headaches

Monday, January 04, 2010 0
prayer request ~ my headaches
I just got back from a doctor's appointment. A lot of you may not know this, but I've struggled with headaches for as long as I can remember. We've tried several things to try to get rid of my headaches, but they've never really gone away. Although they vary in intensity and duration, I get these headaches almost everyday and have neck/shoulder/back pain to go on top of it. I try not to let it slow me down, but it can get very frustrating... which is how I feel right now.

Because it's hard for me to find relief, we wanted to follow-up with my doctor to see what else we could do to get to the bottom of this. The appointment went well; he was very listening and just asked us to tell him everything we'd noticed about these headaches. Then we went from there, and he seemed to know what needed to happen next. It was helpful for me to know that he wants to get to the bottom of this too.

Basically, he wants me to try a medication to see if it helps my migraines, and I also have to get an MRI. I'm not too worried about the MRI, since I've done one before, but this time I have to have a dye injected into my veins so they can see my blood vessels better. I wonder if I'll change color? LOL.

Aside from that, I'm going to take some vitamins that are known to help with migraines/headaches. I think that the MRI will help my doctor know which way to go, so that's basically the next step in this process. I do feel better that we are moving closer to finding thecause, and hopefully the cure.

So, I'd like to turn this whole thing into a prayer request. I would appreciate your prayers that God would make it clear to us what we need to do, and that my headaches would go away or at least lessen. Most of all, pray that I would continue to feel His presence in all of this. Thanks so much - I love you all!

Friday, January 1, 2010

God is on the move

Friday, January 01, 2010 0
God is on the move
A cry rises from the ground
As all the earth begins to shake
Can you feel the spirit move you?
Calling all hearts to wake

Life is rising from these graves
A voice breaks the silence
And warms the dying heart
Oh, this is just the start

'Cause we will open heavens
And well start the flame now
All the earth will shake now
As we scream Your name

Arise, heaven open wide
Passion filling every place
And now's the time
So let it move you
Cause something is about to break

We are falling on our face
Searching for movement
Give us fire in these days
Oh Spirit, lead the way

Singing Hallelujah
Well cry out from our hearts now

(Open Heavens, Barlow Girl)


I had this song in my head the whole time we were praying as a family about the new year. I'm not sure why, but this song really stirs something in me. I guess it's because I really desire to be moved by the Spirit in ways I can't understand. As we were praying, I heard many things from God, but one of them was that Hallelujah should be our battle cry. To me, this means that we must be worshipful warriors (term borrowed from my pastor). I pray that I will be able to defend myself from the forces of evil, but that I will also be strong enough to kneel in worship to my King.

These are a few scattered thoughts about the new year, and really, I'm just typing what comes to mind next, so I don't expect anything to make sense. But the one conscious thought I can use to sum up this post is that God is on the move.